Nana's Testimonial Cont...
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Client: Nana
Trainer: Ashley Williams

• Wow! I can’t believe it. I’m actually writing this. In a million years I would never have written this under any circumstances. It has been quite the journey so far. I never thought losing weight would be difficult emotionally, mentally & physically in that order. If someone had told me that weight loss will make me dig deep into my psyche, peel layers of pain off my heart and become healthy at the same time, I would have laughed in their face. But here I’m in the thick of it and life has never been better.
  
  It took a while for me to decide to get serious. I would start working out but will fall by the wayside. I thought I knew which foods to eat. After all, I love fruits, vegetables, fish and all that good stuff. Problem was portion control, fat, sugar & salt. I’m not a candy eater but I can destroy some chocolate, ice cream and cake.
  
  The wake up call for me was when I could not breathe one winter afternoon. Scared me so bad I went to see my doctor right away. When she told me I had high blood pressure, my heart started racing because it was clear right then I was in a terrible mess. It was exclaimed further when she took my hand, looked me straight in my eyes and said “Listen to me, you are going to die if you don’t do something now young lady. You are going to die. That is as clear as I can make it for you to understand.” Oh, she didn’t have to tell me twice. I went home, took my meds, went online and started researching my options. That was the day I started to change my diet. Granted I did not give up my chocolate, ice cream and cake. I still haven’t given them up. The difference now is I eat them in moderation only when I crave them.
  
  
• As time went on and I became more interested in eating healthy, I started noticing I was losing some weight but nothing significant. So I decided to try working out on my own via Fit-TV. I didn’t have the confidence to go out and walk or go to the gym. GYM? Did someone say GYM? Oh no! Not in a million years would I ever do that. Gyms are for hot bods. During this period, certain things just got on my last half nerve. Like when people would say “You have such a pretty face” or “You look good. Are you losing weight?” I wonder why weight is such a stigma in society. If I were anything else but overweight, I would probably receive a much better reception. The worse of all was when it became apparent that a close family member was ashamed of me. I will never forget the day I overheard them telling their friends who were about to meet me for the first time, “fyi she is fat.” I don’t think I have ever been so humiliated, hurt and destroyed at once. That incident threw me into a messy loop. I trashed my progress and started stuffing my face, shut the world out, put up a steel wall & went into total isolation. As a result I went too deep inside myself; I was trapped and didn’t know how to break the chains. I finally let it all out one night because I was missing my mom so badly and angry at her at the same time for leaving me. She promised she would never leave me and now she was dead and gone. Who was going to have my back now? In that moment, I flashed back to the last time I saw her. We had a long conversation about a lot of subjects. And for the first time in my life, my mom said to me “I’m proud of you.” I was still digesting what I had just heard when she took my face in her hands and kissed me for the first time in my life. I hugged her so tight she begged me to let her go. Then she said to me “Of all my children, you are the one I don’t worry about because I know you can survive any situation.” So I made a promise to myself that I would do better, not see 40 fat and make her even more proud. Fast forward a few days before my 40th birthday. I was still fat and had broken my promise to myself. After crying my eyes out, I walked into Curves and I have not looked back since.
• While at Curves, I started having some breakthroughs as to why I was overweight. It dawned on me that this battle started before I was 6 years old and exploded with food in my early 20s. I was not an overweight child but I became an overweight adult. Boy it is sooo not about food. I must say I did not want to deal with the pain at first. I just shoved it out of my mind. I convinced myself that my pain was nothing compared to the pain of others. To me I was blessed and had no business feeling this way because there were others suffering way more than I. What a mistake! Pain is pain. We all have pain at some point. Why was my pain invalid? Then I realized I got this thinking from the adults around me in my younger years. They never validated their pain and kept sacrificing until they had nothing else to give. If you don’t address your pain, you will not live your best life. Yes I had knocked a couple of inches off my wall but it was still standing. I would feel so good after a workout only to come home and breakdown in the shower. After several times of this I just got fed up and realized I was not letting my pain exit my body, mind & spirit. I was still holding on to it. So I started letting go one pain at a time. That was when I realized I had a mountain of pain to let go. Just when I thought I was done with this pain that pain crept up. It is clear to me now that I have blocked out memories. Especially when having a good time with loved ones and I have absolutely no recollection of what they are talking about. And they keep asking “Don’t you remember? I can’t believe you don’t remember.” Sometimes it gets so intense I have to leave the conversation. But I’m ready for whatever is ahead because I now have the tools to deal with it. As time went on at Curves, I wanted more intensity with my workouts but was not sure exactly what. I decided I needed a trainer. Only thing I knew about trainers was Biggest Loser. And boy was I petrified. I had been told trainers were expensive and I could not afford it etc! But I went ahead anyway. I ended up finding a wonderful gym so I quit Curves.
• Getting a trainer is the best investment I have made for my body. I have access to a plethora of information concerning exercise and nutrition. When I first started working out with my trainer, it was difficult for me. I ached all the time, my feet hurt among other things. Most days I didn’t want to get out of bed to workout. Many times I thought about calling my trainer to say I’m done. I would tell myself it was a mistake to get a trainer. But at the same time I was excited about the new workout environment. What got me finally going was the food journal. The food journal helped me really lay out what I was putting in and where I could make changes. It was interesting when my trainer told me I was not eating enough. She worked with me on how many calories to target, how many times a day I should eat and what I should take out and what I should put in. When I started doing what she told me, I became fascinated about food and the human body. Eventually I started working out 3 days a week and now, I workout 5 days a week and I love every bit of it. Two days of strength training with my trainer, three days of cardio on my own. Of course I have days I don’t want to workout. I used to be intimidated at the gym with stares and what not. Now I don’t give two cents. I go take care of business and leave it there.
• I get motivated knowing that I’m losing weight at a gradual pace. Not interested in losing “20lbs” a week. I’m more interested in losing inches, firming up and being fit. With the help of my trainer I have set reasonable weekly weight loss goals. When I’m working out, I enjoy the use of my unseen muscles. I can’t wait till I’m cellulite and fat free LOL! Now that I have lost 65lbs. (54lbs with my trainer), I’m starting to get compliments. Simultaneously, losing weight can also be a very lonely place sometimes. It is difficult to share my feelings because loved ones cannot relate to what I’m doing. Especially when I try to pass on information about nutrition and exercise. They make me feel like I’m invading their life or I’m a know it all. How I wish I had someone why back to give me nutritional information. Although it is difficult to watch them abuse their bodies, I have decided to step back and show them instead. It is my hope for them to realize that proper nutrition and exercise is health. I particularly get frustrated when I’m offered junk I don’t want. I get comments like “OMG one small bite ain’t gonna kill ya.” WAIT! That’s exactly what I used to tell myself. No wonder my behind is stretched from here to Idaho and back. When I think of how much money I would have to spend on preventable illnesses, I have no problem getting up and going to the gym for my health.
• My trainer gave me a tip about planning my meals for the week. Tried it out and loved it. I prepare my lunches and dinners on weekends, plan out which snacks I’m going to have in between for the week and off I go. I find that I save money & time. Planning meals prevents me from grabbing as I go and gives me a variety of meal ideas to play with because I get bored very easily. I still have a very long way to go weight wise but that doesn’t bother me because I’m working towards my goal and I prepared to do whatever it takes to get there. I have embraced this entire experience as a lifestyle change. One thing I know for sure is if you want to be successful, you behave your way to success. My trainer has given me so much. I know I can’t repay her in this lifetime. But, I can pay it forward. I’m hoping to have the opportunity to help others along this journey and beyond with whatever I’m able to offer. One of my favorite quotes is by Mother Theresa. She said “I have found the paradox that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt only more love.” So I’m completely loving myself to a healthy future.